Monday, March 14, 2005

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An escapade and an escape

While I was off visiting my parents, my beloved and still living 4-year-old daughter, accidentally let their dog; who shall be referred to as the hound from hell, damned dog, and other derogatives, out for the fourth, yes I did say fourth, time. This was Sunday morning, mother had gone to church, Daddy was playing golf, my older daughter was moaning about boredom and I was being a bum. I told the 4 year old not to worry, the hound from hell always returns and is too small to do any damage to anyone, and sent her to jump on the trampoline. Now, my daughter was wearing her ankle length nightgown, and I sent her out in my parents’ backyard. I am a bad mother, I did not make her get dressed first, and I should have. I know this now. The hound from hell decided it was a good time to bark at my 4 year old from the other side of the fence. Now at home we have a nice privacy fence and she would have never seen the damnable dog, nor would she have been able to find my nephew’s oversized tennis shoes and climb the chain link fence and take off after the demon spawned dog, down the easement between the yards. Nor would she have returned with the ‘nice’ neighbor Mr. Bush, no I am no kidding, who told me that my little girl (yes she told him her name), was out of the back yard chasing the spawn of Satan, whom he can normally catch but she must now be afraid of him because he always puts her in the backyard. He also told me that it wasn’t a good idea for me to let my little girl chase after the damnable dog. After bringing my 4 year old in, and explaining that climbing the fence was a bad thing and threatening her with a fate worse than death,letting her big sister babysit her, I went out and found the hound from hell, spawn of Satan, damnable dog and wretched beast all rolled up into one tiny Pekingese.

The results of the morning: Satan's spawn had yet another escapade, my 4 year old staged an escape, and my mother is having to explain to her neighbor's that contrary to what they are hearing I really am a 'good' mother, my father gets a good laugh because for once it isn't my sister, and I post this as a warning about chain link fences and 4 year olds.